Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Baby Daddy a part of Lyfe

I was listening to this new artist, Lyfe. He has a song that really tripped me out. The song itself was unmemorable but one line particularly got my thinking.

In the song he basically tells some woman that he might not be able to be in a relationship with her because she got kids.

I have seen all the Maury, Oprah, Jerry type shows. Heard Fantasia and some others speak about the struggles of being a baby momma. Spoke with plenty of friends who bemoan their plight as unwed mothers.

SideNote: Bemoan, it’s a word I like to use but it means more than just to lament. In my dictionary it is a person who be moaning about shyte that they caused, situations they helped create, and never plan to do anything to create, control, or change their poor pitiful circumstances.

Now I have the extra benefit of being on the other side of the fence. Yes, I am a baby daddy, a father, a dad, the old man, and a pop. I proudly boast of my situation. And just to shut most of you down early my lovely daughter lives with me. Yes, you heard it here first; I am the primary care giver PCG to my seed. Have been handling this for years in fact, most of her young life.

The story starts at the end of a really bad tumultuous relationship with my ex-wife. I made one of those change your life moves and started law school. Now anyone who knows about law school understands that it aint easy. In fact looking back it was some of the toughest shyte done. So I did the adult grown thing and asked my ex to oblige me this for 3 years. Now She agreed and politely waited till my first year law school exams to drop my daughter off and bounce.

Shit still makes me laugh because that same week I got booted from my place of dwelling. Life was hard…but fair.

Moving on to taking care of a child. First things first. I don’t know how to do hair. I tried many times, but I just couldn’t do it.

I remember my best effort fell far short. I combed her curly locks for hours on end and finally got it right! I stop by the K&B down the street and rush in to buy something. We are in the store for five minutes when some older woman seemed to be admiring my handy work.

“Baby, who combed your hair?” The woman enquired. Not with a smile or a frown but a stern look of concern.

“My Daddy”
I thought the lady was really admiring my work until I hear her response to my daughters reply.

I can tell. Where is your mommy?” Now she said this right in front me. In one fell swoop she belittled my hard work, and affirmed my preconceived notion that only woman can do hair.

SideNote: See when my angel was an angel she was truly daddies heart. She really did no wrong. Even the way she said daddy made most of my life worth living. Now she still is my sweet loving heart, but yesterday, her eleven-year-old ass mumbled under her breath, something to the effect that her daddy was stupid!!!! And mean!!!! But alas she is still my heart and can do no wrong.

It is really very little difference between the hard knock lives of baby mommas and baby daddies. I guess they may just have been fewer of us then them.

I still would get the most peculiar stares from people when they learned of my status as a single parent and PCG. Most either assumed the mother was dead or otherwise unfit. I shall hold quite on that issue, it aint the point of this blog.

Dating: Hmm, well I can say that it was not harder to get to know the opposite sex. For the most part being a baby daddy helped me in that department with a certain kind of woman.
SideNote: Now, I never let most women meet my daughter. IF you got that high up, you must have been really special. And if you did get that high up the visits would not prove long for fear of attachment.

Certain kinds of women were looking for that strong responsible man, it showed character and worth…value. Once they find out you have a baby they turn cold. Once they find out you are the PCG they heat up considerably. Their plans change from meet me at the club, to let's go bowling or the movies. *Family Dates*
I’ll stop by and comb her hair”
“I cooked a little extra, I will bring it for yall for dinner”
And my favorite…
If you need me to I will take her somewhere or pick her up if she needs a ride”

DAMN: How the hell does any chic think I am leaving them to care for my child, shyte I wont even trust you at my crib by yourself, much less trust you with my daughter.

Needless to say the other end of the spectrum was not solidly impressed.
Look, I don’t date men with children, because I think I should come first”

SO I would tell them that if they are looking for the same attention I give my daughter, they need to grow up. I take care of my daughter because she needs me and she is my responsibility. If a woman is that needy, shyte she can’t play anyway…. Holler.
But even miss “I cant compete with your baby”, had a soft heart when I spoke of PTA and Brownies, or dance class. And yes, single dads do run their mouths about their children. Especially when they are the PCG.
Only really bad drawbacks came during the late night hour. Booty calls always meant you had to come to me, don’t knock, and don’t make to much noise. Oh, and you had to leave before morning, cause my daughter would be up.

Now, I aint goin’lie, that worked really well for me. Even if my daughter was not at home I would act like she was so I could get that good home delivery.

Yeah its hard, and it probably effected how I lived from then on in a major way. But, I never got child support, and the mother was free to run the streets.
DAMN: And get pregnant 3 more times, huh bruh!!!!!!! and none by me mind you!

So I don’t have a song, a TV show or nothing, I think in fact that we are a new phenomenon, Men as PCG.
I would like to hit ole Oprah show and tell the other side of the story. IF anybody knows how to get on that show, please hook me up, I need some of that free stuff she gives out.


  • At 2:09 PM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    I need you to clarify just how someone "brings it upon themself" to be a single mom? Yes, you might have made bad choices in men, however that's not something you should be punished for for the next 18 yrs.

  • At 2:11 PM, Blogger Butter Pecan said…

    You have my upmost respect. There are not many men who would take on that responsibility. You must be a dam good man and even better DAD. Smile :)

  • At 2:33 PM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    You miss the point 23,

    getcha education...oh you did that!

    Dont suffer waiting for support...oh, that dont pretain to you

    Take care of your child like a parent even if you the only one....oh, you already do!

    Grow, live, move on....oh, you have grown, you live, and your last post relates that you just might a moved on finally.

    U finally have graduated from the class I been teaching you since day one! Much love, graduation drink this weekend.

  • At 3:27 PM, Blogger muffin said…

    aw! you know my ex husband was terrible at doing our daughters hair but now he's the bomb! a lot of times, it's better than mine!

  • At 4:31 PM, Blogger Call 2 Arms said…

    This is a beautiful story. The beauty is the relationship with your child. I think relationships are the joy of life.

    It is sad because there are some fathers out there who are PCG or who pay support who want kudos for being a parent.

    I deserve kudos if I take in a stranger child and raise it like my own.

  • At 8:26 AM, Blogger Gunner Kaufman said…

    I envy you...i just got out of court situation in my favor in regards to my child and watched in one swoop the whole thing reversed....i envy you...


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