Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Points on being Pointless

Anyway, I am trying to get back on a regular schedule for writing. My life has been so about me lately, that I haven’t had a chance to peek above the ongoing fray.

Right now I am trying to understand the point of doing pointless things. It appears that pointless things only serve to frustrate, alienate, and further exacerbate a tense situation.

My ex-wife, more properly my “BABY MOMMA”, has always been my only source of drama in my life.

Before Her (BH), I was drama free.
During Her (DH), I was drama.
Post Her (PH), I am drama free except for the portions she manages to inject into my life.

Let me try to give you an example.

My wife looks upset or uneasy.

BH: ”Well I am out, headed to Hooters, or the club, be back.”


PH: (also new wife) Well, I was going out, but you are not telling me
something. Get dressed and let’s go get a meal and some drinks and
talk about whatever?

My job is giving me the blues

BH: “Well I am out, taking a sick day. Headed to Hooters, or the club,


PH: “Well, I have other offers on the table, and this job seems to not
fit with my career goals, so…I am offering my two week notice.

Yeah, I have read a lot of women’s post concerning being a single parent baby mother, yadda yadda yadda. I have never felt the same as most baby mothers, even though we share the same distinction as single parents. I can’t even relate to the lives yall profess to live. I have been talking care of my daughter for most of my adult life. She is 11, I am 32. Why, How am I different? I am not; I just act different.

Case in point.

My “Baby Momma” decides last week to start raising all kinda hell with me. She calls me out of the blue; says “I want to pick up Chelsea from Camp!”

Cool, Its Thursday, she will be by my mother’s house after camp.

Oh, its on, I get days off. I get some me time. Oops, almost forgot about wifey. I get some WE time.

Weekend comes and goes I don’t get a call, which is strange.

SideNote: My daughter calls me everyday when she is not with me. She calls to tell me hello, what she is watching on TV, to inquire about my activities, and to tell me when she is bored.

I call “Baby Momma”, and get the ole phone disconnect. I try the cell, and I get voice mail. Okay, its getting late, maybe she will drop baby girl off. I call again until well past 9o’clock. No answer.

Phone rings at 10:10. Its baby girl, telling me to come pick her up. I tell her politely to put “Baby Momma” on the phone.

ME (PH mode):“Say uh, “Baby Momma”, I cant just pick up, go, leave, and return at a whim, it is far to late for baby girl to be out, and I am getting ready to lay it down myself.(Mondays are my hardest days)”

“Baby Momma”: Well, I been meaning to tell you this anyway. I want baby girl to live with me now.”

My jaw hit the floor. My heart raced wildly. Damn, damn, damn, what to do? Baby girl was already over there, so I better be cool.

ME (Slowly switching to DH mode): Well, we will sit down and discuss this. Its late now, and Baby girl needs her sleep. Meet me at your mom’s house.

“Baby Momma”: Well, I have pretty much decided. You knew that the living arrangements weren’t permanent. So she needs me now, she is becoming a little lady, and she needs her mother.

ME (slowly switching to DH mode): Well, look let’s talk; I can give ya more time, Maybe Friday through Monday. But lets not discuss this tonight. It’s late and I don’t want Baby Girl up to late, she has camp in the morning.

“Baby Momma”: Nah, I have pretty much made up my mind, this is how it is going to be.

ME (Switched to full blown DH mode) What the *$%##$@$%, you %#@#%, cant just come up and decide that this is what you want to do. Are you out of your %^#$# mind………………..

I went on and on and on. Back in fourth, Ya boy had a melt down.

My Baby Momma, is 29. She now has 2 other little girls, from different fathers. She is currently living with some dude. Not judging her for judging sacks, just trying to determine the best mode for my daughter. Besides, I have lived with her before. I was married to her before. I know what she is capable of. I feel akin to every person who innocently entered something only to realize that there was an entrance and no exit. Now you are trapped, in a bizarre, tortured, fractured mind state. I am not going to say my BABY MOMMA is crazy. I will give you a diagnosis. Paranoid psychosis, psychasthenia, schizophrenia, with delusion tendencies.
Plus she is an habitual liar.

Sorry, not trying to make her sound bad. But she has been bad for me, and my daughter. No doubt about that statement. I meant this as an objective overview of a situation/problem. It is not meant to be a one-sided onslaught. I still have anger about this whole issue.

I managed to convince her to bring me baby girl because of camp, and a previously arranged slumber/birthday party.

Then "Baby Momma" has nerve enough to tell my daughter to ask me if it was okay to attend her birthday celebration, scheduled at my house.

Of course I said it was okay. Never seem like you are the unreasonable one in your child’s eye.

And she came!!!!! Acting as if nothing was wrong.

Even my Mom said she had Brass Balls

So why, why I ask you, why create this drama? Why foul my mood? Why send this fractured tenable relationship into a tailspin.

For jollies, for a baby sitter, (the basic reason most family and friends feel caused this latest episode), out of Spite, or because you are crazy!

I am trying to understand the point of doing pointless things.
Pray for me! My battle has not ended.


  • At 10:22 AM, Blogger Butter Pecan said…

    Sorry to hear that now baby mama wants her daughter to come live with her. I know you probably knew this time would come. It seems like you are very well adjusted to the living arrangements with your daughter. Hope everythings works out for you and your daughter. Your a good father for taking on that responsibility of raising her. I will pray for you.

  • At 10:33 AM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    This is very deep. It also shows how we mature and realize the best way to handle situations. I've been wondering what I'll do and how I respond if Tyler's dad ever decides to try to walk into his life after all of this time. I do agree that a young girl needs a woman, a mother. I'm just not so sure she needs an unstable woman. All I can suggest is to pray and cherish whatever time you have with Chelsea and when she's with her mom, pray even harder.

  • At 10:38 AM, Blogger Call 2 Arms said…

    I will definitely send up a prayer.

    The idea of your 11 year old moving in with her and her man is scary. Even if your baby mother is the best mother, sometimes men seek out women with kids for unpleasant reasons. Could be money, food, who knows.

    Nothing against women with children, but how many men would be willing to take on a woman with 3 young children? I'm suspicious already.

    I'd check Megan's Law, for his name. Then have "if anyone touches you tell them stop, then tell me, I won't be mad, no matter what they tell you tell."

    Then when she moves the next thing she'll want is child support.

    I know I'm paranoid but I just am.

  • At 10:51 AM, Blogger Closet Owner said… I am shyting my britches. We going to war in this piece.

    The phrase "over my dead body"!

  • At 11:04 AM, Blogger Gunner Kaufman said…

    I am your brother in arms...fellow member Of the "KNIGHTS OF THE LUNACHICK TABLE"...keep your head up...and remember...kill no one, but smile wide in person, teeth showing...and in private..pull out every leagal means you can find and suit up..battle axe in one hand...double edge broad sword in the other....and be prepared to "take heads".....

  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger SMW said…

    You have a girlfriend and a wife?

    Wow. What a man...


    Another "Crazy baby mama" huh?

    Yeah, I wonder what you did to make her crazy? Probably always hanging out at Hooters, The Club and with your "girlfriend" and didn't pay her any attention.

    Try treating your WIFE as well as you treat your GIRL/FRIEND. She should be the first one you call in a jam or with any exciting news.

    Damn...ya'll men. And you sit up and think this is alright. I bet you do.

    Don't you?

  • At 11:51 AM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    When you put whole milk in a jar, seal it and allow it to curdle, then shake the shyte out of it, are you responsible for the butter.

    Or is that just what would happen naturally,and by adding slight aggitation you speed up the process.

    Girl/friend, is a good friend, who can help me out of tight jams without having to judge the jam. Beside this is just one case in point....Dang!!!!

  • At 2:13 PM, Blogger muffin said…

    wow. i'm sorry to hear about the custody issue. i hope both of you will come to terms and do whats best for lil mama. sounds like you are a great daddy!

  • At 7:39 PM, Blogger SMW said…

    I'm sorry.

    You are NOT my children's father.

    You are NOT my husband.

    You are NOT representative of every man on the planet.

    Sorry I took my frustration out on you.

    But K, remember, no matter how "crazy" your Baby Mama is, she is still a WOMAN and a MOTHER, deserving of the same respect your mother deserves.

    Forgive me...

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