Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Hotter than the Crack of a Fat Mans AZZ!!!

I actually literally played hooky yesterday (Monday). Yes I went fishing. First time in years. Did pretty good in fact!

Only things of note were:
It was the hottest I have ever been in my life. (I wanted to die between 12:00-1:00pm)
If I am not available by cell phone 24/7 the world will fall of its axis and spin into the cold reaches of space.

Speaking of the heat. I have never felt that kinda heat. I used to think I was a pretty tough dude. Thought I could withstand a little harshness. Shyte, I am a straight B I T C H when it comes to that South Louisiana Summer Sun. Damn. I soaked through my clothes, and I am not even a person that sweats. I was dehydrated. I was tired. I thought my heart was beating too hard. I was ready to die.

I did catch some fish, a couple of Bass, and a lot of Perch aka Brim and White Perch aka Paper Mouths. I think these were all the names of the fish at least that is what my guide aka my Barber.

SideNote: My Barber tried to kill me out there I think. He was laughing while I was dying. The Shyte wasn’t funny! I doubt he will take me fishing with him again. In fact on the way home he said, “You aint never coming with me again, huh?” I told that I would holler at him in October.

Speaking of the cell phone issue. Okay, it was my fault for not telling everyone in advance, but I did call the office and leave a message on the voice mail at 4:13AM. No one checked the voice mail.
My cell could not catch a single out in the vast wilderness. I mean I was really back to nature. So since I never miss work, everyone thought I had been kidnapped or I was dead in the ditch somewhere. Calling my wife and shyte, damn! My Wife knew i was going fishing but she didnt know if I told The Office. So she was watching my back by playing the dumb role. She said they sounded pissed because she wasnt worried.

Even my dear ole Dad was searching for me, and I told is forgetful azz that i would be out of pocket on Monday.

SideNote: Since I been doing this gig (2 years), which was supposed to just be a temporary stop on the career highlight reel, I have been here at least once everyday. I did miss 2 weeks for my wedding and honeymoon in December. Oh and I had the flu for a week in February. Other than those two times my ass has dotted this door, this seat, this office for two years. Damn I miss school.

No real point to this story. Except please note that I am not a Viking when it comes to the HEAT.

Oh, and who knew that there are still places in the Northern Hemisphere that don’t have cell phone coverage. I am switching to Verizon.

Ps.If I don’t answer my cell just leave a message. I AINT DEAD!!!!


  • At 8:14 AM, Blogger Gunner Kaufman said…

    never did the freshwater thing...but im quick to pack up and do a 12-16 hour run in te ocean fishing..cowcod..sea bass...tuna......

  • At 11:17 AM, Blogger Schatzi said…

    I'm not the one for the heat either. I just know if I traveled to LA, i would die!

  • At 12:06 PM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    I can just picture your tail sitting in the heat looking like you are entering a wet t-shirt contest. I bet your glasses got foggy too.. HA! And cell phones aint' supposed to work on boats, b/c you shouldn't be interrupted out there anyway. It's supposed to be peaceful.

  • At 2:30 PM, Blogger Icey said…

    Next time you play hooky, do like regular folks, stay in your pjs until noon, take your self to lunch, sleep and laugh at the goofballs on those daytime drama shows!

  • At 11:22 PM, Blogger Quit Smoking said…

    Hello fellow fisherman,

    Did you know that 16% of the U.S. population goes fishing at least 16 days a year?

    Did you also know that over 75% of the nations fishermen do not fish during "prime time"; fish feeding hours?

    Those precious few moments before twilight can be absolutely magical. Even up until 11pm at night, the largest predators of any species feed ravenously.

    Don't believe me? Check out Daniel Eggertsen's story, and a picture of a couple of his catches here : "Evening Secrets plus more"

    I want you to do me a favor and try it out so I can see what you think of it, and if it works for you as well as it did for me.

    You will be one of the first to try it out.

    Gone Fishin',



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