Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Monday, October 31, 2005

My brother.

My brother made his 26th birthday this past weekend.
We celebrated.

Truth is my family isn’t really big on Birthday celebrations. But we tend to do a little extra for my brother.

It is a funny thing having siblings, older or younger you realize that they are the best friends that you will ever have in your life. They really will be there till the end.

So what’s bothering me is this! I feel like I am not being a good a brother as I should or could be. I go through he motions and facts be believed I am busy. I don’t hang out, I don’t go anywhere. My main responsibility was my daughter, wife...nix that now it is the new baby. But nevertheless I don’t have the type of quality time that I should to spend with my brother.

Maybe more of a back ground will properly put this problem in prospective.
In 1989 my sister, my brother, and I were in a serious motor vehicle accident. My sister was not injured physically. I escaped with severe lacerations to my face, 3rd stage concussion, and amnesia.. My brother was injured the worst. He had severe brain trauma.
The brain is an awsome piece of machinery. If to much goes on the brain will shut down. Small stage is called shock. Large severe brain injury shut down is called coma.

My brother was in a coma for 6 months. The miracle practitioners of modern science suggested that my parents give up and release his organs for transplant. Going so far as to suggest that my brother would not survive, and if he did, it would be in a vegetative state.
Talk about bed side manner, hmm, well the big man had a different plan. So my parents resisted the doctors attempts to "help others" and requested that the Doctors help my brother.

Houston was the scene of many grueling days for my family. My mother moved to Houston Tear Center to be near my brother. My Dad left every weekend to be with my mother. My sister left for college, and I was left alone.
SideNote:
Still have big issues with that till this day. But that is another story.


It just so happened that I was the person whom recognized that his reflex response behavior was an actual attempt to communicate. It just so happened that God chose to answer my prays on that day, six months and several hundred miles from the scene of the accident. That was the first day of the rest of my family’s life.
Things happen to everyone. Usually dramas end, and everything returns to normal. Or should I say normal with a loss, or addition. This drama started with the addition of loss. My brother was still here but his life, would never be the same.

His struggle to be normal, his therapy, his hard work, his acceptance of unyielding eyes, and obvious whispers, only he can pen. But I can tell you this, never in my life have I met a tougher SOB. Pardon my crudeness but this would be organ donar, future vegetable, is now a college graduate. He has bested a bleak future.

My brother is unable to walk. He talks with slurred speech, and he has severe permanent scarring to his head. He gets stares. Points. Ignorant inquires. He is so much more than I will ever be. He wakes up every day and meets life’s challenges, he sleeps every night, knowing that they will have to be faced again tomorrow.
My stories point falls to this. I am not a good brother. I obsess over my life. I am selfish with my time. I spend but a marginal guilt laden moment with him. Each day I know that I must do better. But everyday I find it harder to face the future he will have to deal with.
I am not a good brother.
I resolve to change, but often my resolutions fall hollow as if it were already the 1st of February. Simply put, I allow my life to consume me.

I am not a good brother. But I do strive to be better, do more, give more.
I write this for him. Maybe one day he will come across it, and know that I don’t offer excuses. I know were I fall short.
But please know that I am trying... to be a better brother.

4 Comments:

  • At 8:11 AM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    I never knew all of this. Good post. Now you are really allowing us to get inside your head. Only 5 more to go.

     
  • At 9:44 AM, Blogger Call 2 Arms said…

    Wow! I'm glad he made it and your family didn't heed the advice of dr.'s.

     
  • At 12:41 PM, Blogger Dee said…

    At least you admit it!!!! That is a great start!!!!!

    I had to apologize to my lil brother because I felt I had let him down his last 2 years of high school!!! I was barely an adult living on my own with a small child and I had to send him to live with my grandma cause I couldn't handle being responsible for him!!!

    12 years later I apologized ane we had a long talk about it and he forgave me...........

     
  • At 2:15 PM, Blogger ProfessorGQ said…

    intersting, very personal and deep...my prayers go out to you and your family...don't trip off what you feel like what you haven't done as a brother just improve...all will be fine.

     

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