Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Sorry in Advance

Please accept this with my humblest apologies as I begin my Friday rant. But to contain my anger and frustration any longer may cause harm to my own person. I hope it all comes out right, I am disturbed and it effects my writing, so to that end Consider all of this a SIDENOTE!

Why do women continue to be the weaker sex? It is not flattering, it is not feminine, it is just plain disturbing. I meet so many strong dominating women only to peal back the multitude of layers and discover naiveté, depression, self-loathing, fear and anxiety. We all posses these less than favorable human traits, we all get down every now and again, But I will be damned if I get down because of some other person or some other event that is far beyond my ability to control.

I am speaking from my own experiences, as a member of the ex-wife/crazy bitch club. I blamed myself and expanded my faults to encompass all of the worlds problems as well as my own. Shyte I literally fell into disarray.

See my ex-wife knew how to get to me, she broke me down I allowed her to break me down. She expected the world of me and I tried to provide it, at 20! Then when I couldn’t provide it, she ridiculed and derided me. She went after my most vulnerable spot, my attempts to be a man as I defined man. I wanted to be the great lover, great provider, and great father. She cut off access to one, mismanaged the other, and removed from my life my only joy during my most difficult time. The girl made me weep. Seriously I wept.

I visited a really good friend of mine during my darkest days. He took one look at me and said I was pitiful. Not pitiful for the circumstances in my life but pitiful for letting those circumstances destroy me. Letting those circumstances control my actions. Letting life whip me, was unconscionable in his eyes.

I was mad at first, I wanted sympathy and he gave me honesty. After I left his crib, I withdrew again into my woes and misery. But the bitterness had lost its sting. The darkness revealed first shadows and then light. Soon I realized that no matter what I had options simply because I did. I threw off her yoke and came to my own sense of who I was. Not measured by her or life, measured by my own mind, and my own actions.

Do what you feel is the best you can do in your heart and mind; if it doesn’t work, or if bad things happen, oh well, move on. Don’t get mired in self-doubt and misery. If you get lost, get a map and find your way. Don’t just rumble the streets hoping that chance and good fortune will smile on you. Self-empowerment is a gift that God gave us all. Not just men, not just single women, not just older women. We all have it.

You want something in your life to change. Change it! IF you can’t change it let that shyte go. But before you truly say it is beyond your control, exhaust all your remedies. Including getting your brother and his boys to visit that clown with a baseball bat. Never change who you are because of a desire to impress, or a desire to fit in, or a desire to be accepted. You are perfect the way you are because that is who you are. No outside opinion by any individual or society should change that outlook.

Just as you accept your hair as short or long, straight or nappy; your body as thick or heavy; your lips, your eyes, your nose, accept too, that you are! A desire to change should come from within. A desire to be different is personal not public.

So don’t be moved by the subtle winds of change. Design your own winds!


Just a little advice from a Closet Owner!

12 Comments:

  • At 10:09 AM, Blogger Juicy said…

    That was deep! Powerful!
    I'm totally feeling what you wrote and even though I know it, sometimes it's needed to be heard from someone else. First time visiting and it won't be the last!

    :)

     
  • At 11:20 AM, Blogger Sonnyredd said…

    Impressive. I agree wholeheartedly with everything.

     
  • At 11:26 AM, Blogger Schatzi said…

    ""Including getting your brother and his boys to visit that clown with a baseball bat.""

    Been there, done that.

    Thanks for the reminder. I think that everyone needs a reminder sometimes.

     
  • At 12:11 PM, Blogger Butter Pecan said…

    Nice post...You are so right..

     
  • At 12:15 PM, Blogger Dee said…

    Well all right!!! preach bro!!!

     
  • At 12:20 PM, Blogger African girl, American world said…

    Thank you!! Well said!

     
  • At 12:58 PM, Blogger Call 2 Arms said…

    My father told me that once. Move on. It made and still makes so much since.

     
  • At 6:46 PM, Blogger DJ Diva said…

    deep dude...thanks!

     
  • At 7:18 AM, Blogger Gunner Kaufman said…

    I feel you. Sometimes you have to move forward, so far forward that the past cant even be seen.

     
  • At 9:45 PM, Blogger Brotha Buck said…

    Wait a minute, are you the same Closet Owner from about two months ago (brown blog). Man, I completely had your post confused, I won't get into why. Anyway, thats another story. Anyway, man, I've been there. Keep your head up.

     
  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger That Girl Tam said…

    WOW...were you directing that at a particular PERSON? HAHAHA...

    Just know that it takes some women a lot longer to discover (or unearth) her inner Goddess. ..and for some women, they never get it.

     
  • At 2:58 AM, Blogger souffle said…

    wow!!! how in the hell did i miss this post?! great post lots of words some folks need to hear... you bet am printing this out, too deep!

     

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