Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Hoes and Bitches Obviously

Meant to post early but the day flew!
Saw some really crazy issue on TV last night. The Cat House!!!
Its an HBO joint! And once again the HBO has shown that they make the best programing on Cable. It all started with OZ and the Sopranos. Hell, Real Sex was some real shit to deal with. Now they roll Six Feet Under, Entourage, The Wire. They will not be stopped.
Anyway this Cat House shyte is a trip. They actually behind the scenes in a brothel. Do tell.
Now all I really have today is a question?


1. Would you?,
2.Have you? ,
3.Should you?,
4. How much would/did it take?

If the answer to #1 is no, then go to # 4.
If the answer to # 1 is yes go to #2.
If the answer to #2 is no, then go to # 4.
If the answer to #2 is yes, then give us some details and go to # 3.
If your answer to #3 is yes then go to #4 and give us details, plus you ought to be ashamed.
If your answer to #3 is no, then explain your answer to #1, and #2.

That’s all I got and I am out.

Have a good weekend.

i will be at the Saints game tonight. My boys going all the way this year!!!!

Thursday, August 11, 2005


You know the saying, When It rains it pours!
Well the truth is that when it rains I get shyted on.

Been out of the office a lot also. This won’t last long so I am trying to enjoy. Someone told me I hadn’t been posting long enough to take breaks

Ex-wife/baby-momma is delivering blows left and right. It is I all I can do to dodge and stay afloat. So I decided to write her a letter.

I know this sounds crazy but this is therapy of sorts. I write a letter expressing my feelings. I never mail it; just get it off my chest. I have from time to time written letters to politicians and others to express myself. I usually leave my number and suggest that they call me if they have any questions. I think I will start writing letters to George W. I am serious about that. That may reflect some kinda inflated ego or something but it really is all about therapy.


I hope you are well.
Understand that this letter to you is something of a last resort. I truly understand that we will never be friends or civil to each other. To that end I am sad.

See my thing is this I don’t hate you! You have caused plenty of problems in my life. The fact of the matter is I probably have been the source of many problems in your life. But I don’t hate you. I can say without fear of contradiction that you do.

If ever I offended, I apologize. If ever I erred, I apologize. Thirteen years ago I did not intend to cause you harm and thirteen years later I have held to that covenant. We are just different people. We don’t see eye to eye, and never will.

Whether what we were was love, or youth, or just foolishness is not the point. What we were produced one of my main reasons for living, my light, and my joy. You helped bring into this world my daughter. I can never repay you for that blessing. I hope the feeling is mutual.

But know as time distance and differences have turned our once exclusive love into this… this… this that begs for reason…this misunderstood existence that places us squarely at odds.

At odds for what we feel is right. For what we feel is best.

The question was asked of me, “Don’t I think people can change?” Yes people can! But unfortunately I cannot risk my light based on that belief. I can’t cast my daughter into those waters based upon your assurances that they are shallow and calm. I will test them for her. That is what daddies do. I am happy that you want to be involved now! I am excited about those opportunities that you will soon share with this young person, as she becomes an adult.

To my fault I may guard her selfishly. I may consume her time and attention to satiate my needs. But for so long it was just she and I. I suffered for her grace alone. I tended her needs alone. My life became a dual existence. I was at once a grown man, and a child with special needs. I learned to be both a mother and father. I learned to temper mercy with my hardness. For all of that I really do thank you. That beyond all other things as made me a better man.

Now it turns to this. Now you make demands and expect me to capitulate, as if you are the light exposing unfit and unworthy creatures that scuttle away into corners and creases in fear.

No, I doubt that is the case here.
If we can agree we will. I will try. We can both come to an understanding. But for the last 9-10 years we have not. I don’t anticipate that happening but for the presence of God.

She lives with me. She will stay with me. I am her father. In my book it holds just as much weight as your status. And in the end analysis, we are parents by the grace of god, and I am a father by my actions.

I want you to have every experience with Chelsea that you can, But not at her or my expense.

With much appreciation,

Closet Owner