Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

One the Hard Way

I don’t know what I am doing wrong on the home front. Maybe my tendencies are just what they are. I have a plan on how this baby boy of mine will get his manhood. And to be frank it will be hard.

I have controversial topics of discussion with my in-laws. It is probably not a good idea, but I do it anyway.

A little back ground on this whole matter may be in order.

Nothing speaks of holiday cheer like a discussion between close families about gender bias. I was speaking only under severe wine overload but I continued. Before the night ended I alienated my wife, pissed off about two in-laws, and flustered myself out of my wine buzz.

I think a wine buzz is the best intoxication there is. It rolls on you slowly and maintains its presence for several hours. It never really drops you over the top but it keeps you feeling nice, warm, and well never mind.

Let me explain my position. I think, as a general rule, boys should be raised harder than girls. I mean boys should get fewer toys, do more work, and definitely at working age get a job. Conversely I think girls should focus on academics alone, and be spoiled a little more.
Why do I think this way? It is all a part of my male chauvinistic tendencies. Girls by nature in my book are more respectful, fearful, and more mature. Boys by nature are ungrateful, disrespectful, immature, and challenge authority. These are generalities painted with board strokes, but I think it all remains true.

Every female I have ever been in contact with on every different level had three things in common:
Self preservation
Will Power.
This includes doctors and hoodies. (I like that term). See women will survive. No matter what women do, they will eventually succeed. IF she starts working at Burger King, sooner than not she will be the manager. IF she starts college, she graduates in four years. If she works HR at a manufacturing company she eventually will run the company. If she has a sick mother, she takes her in. If her man is lazy she takes care of him. She will give of herself before she will let her kids suffer. I just have seen to many evidences of this to discount. We all have! Now I am speaking more of old school type chics. I still see this evidence in new school, but It is obvious in women my age or older.They have an innate mechanism that places them in a no fail zone.

I used to say that because women have "SEX" they should always have something in life, but after my daughter was born I quickly revised that philosphy.

Now on the other spectrum guys share two traits.
Sense of grandeur.
We guys have a “me first” philosophy as a whole. We have to mature into men before we can let it go. Still it is hard to choose between that private school tuition and that 42 inch plasma screen TV. But selfishness leads to ones own demise. It doesn’t foster strong relationship bonds and it’s really a set up for a false payday. We tend to want what we want when we want it. We can even get aggressive about it.
We have to be taught patience and a work ethic. And that lesson begins at an early age. If not you unleash a spoiled victim of society. Look to our prisons for many who never learned important life lessons. They still want everything for nothing. They still expect others to do for them

My daughter will get a care financed by her father. She will have a job, but her work schedule will not interfere with school. She will have a curfew.

My son will get his own car or pay a car note, and definitely pay his insurance. He will have a job, and he will have to handle school and work. He will have a flexible curfew.

All the mothers can really appreciate this by looking at their young children. Girls usually have strong social skills at an early age. They show more concern for the feeling of others. And when told no, for the most part that listen and understand. There are exceptions but for the most part that is the case. Men-children generally test mothers first. How much can I brazenly get away with? Boys soon learn not to fear whippings, or punishment. It is necessary for a boy to be a man to have some of these traits. He has to be strong willed and somewhat disobedient. You tell a boy no, and he may get angry and do it anyway (damn the consequences). He has to have that time to learn.

Every young male defendant I have ever been involved with spoke through his mother. He was spoiled to the point where his life expectations still come from his mother. She still defends and protects him. TOO LATE!

You have to be rough on a young nigga. He won’t appreciate sacrifice until he has sacrificed. He wont be respected, until he learns to respect. Especially in this society that values bling bling, and big asses. The best example I have is my neighborhood as a kid. We all grew up middle class. We all graduated from high school. The ones who had jobs and grades and did more for themselves, are now doctors, lawyers, working in the plants, educators, etc. The ones that were spoiled and coddled are calling me now trying to have their record expunged. True to life.

My son will never fill the master’s whip, or Jim Crow, or separate but equal, or segregation, or racism to the extent that any of his forefathers did. He might even think that life is supposed to be fair. One day he may believe that life owes him something.

Unless I teach him to be his own man, to face challenges head up, to work hard for everything you earn. And you have to learn those lessons the hard way.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


I am worried. I am worried about where I am in life.

Not really sure if I am as successful as I should be. I think I am lazy.
I think I am so on the verge. I think I think too much, and act to little.

Maybe opportunities abound, and it is up to us to take advantage of them. I hesitate to think of how many opportunities I lost out on for my being unprepared. Yeah, I guess God just didn’t have it meant for me to do those things.

Now I am getting antsy. Now I have got to make a move or I will flip out.

But I have to put some brakes on my move situation. I have a wife, 2 kids, a mortgage, car note, and a varied sorted amount of bills to pay. I can't make them suffer because I am feeling antsy.

Better just play it safe. Let my opportunity come to me, and be full able to take advantage of it when it comes. Meanwhile everyone gets the mean mug.