Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Friday, December 16, 2005

The White Gene!

They found the white gene!

Thank god now we can finally explain why white people exist.

Well just imagine all the far reaching implications that this can have. I predict that genetic sampling and testing will now hit a standstill. Some expert is going to come out and say that all genetic stuff is incorrect and just plain voodoo science.

Furthermore the President is probably going to issue an order banning any further research into genetics and DNA. Mass book burnings will be held bent on destroying all knowledge gained from such wicked science.

People all over the modern world will be in an uproar. Opponents will be at the fore front challenging genetic research as an abomination before God. But no rioters will take to the streets. Eventually it will all quiet down and we will continue as if genetic research was an aberration.

Why you ask?! Why would people, scientist, the President, the world go to such lengths to stop cutting edge research and medical advancement?

The answer is simple and two fold!

We have long sense suggested that the white race was some unnatural mutation. An unwanted genetic defect that disgraced a group of people who could no longer consider themselves people of color. I myself scoffed at my Muslim brothers and their counter parts who drew these illogical conclusions.

“White people are mutants, the devil, a blight to human kind” they would proclaim to any ear unable to flee their preaching’s.

Damn looks like they might not be 100% wrong. This research is suggesting that White people are a genetic mutation. Cells that just don’t want to act right! I can draw several parallels to mutations in the human genome…but all have negative effects: cancer, sickle cell, every birth defect has genetic origins.

The second reason, the real reason that this research will be suppressed is this…..

IF A GENE CAN TELL US WHO IS WHITE, CONVERSLY THERE IS A GENE THAT WILL TELL US WHO IS BLACK!

Take a second to wrap your head around this one.

What happens if Joe Whiteguy happens down to his bank to get a loan? He walks in and is greeted warmly at the door. He tells Tom W. Bankowner (the W stands for white) that he needs 50 thousand.

Tom W.: “Sure Joe No problem”

Joe W.: “Thanks Tom”


Little does Joe know that that little handshake at the end of the meeting was actually a skin graft sample. A sample that will be used to run test to determine Joe W. true background.

Two hours later, the phone rings at Joe’s Home:

Joe W. “Hello?”

Tom W. “Mr. White Guy?”

Joe W. : “Yes”

Tom. W.: “Sorry, we have to deny that loan application”

Joe W.: “Hey, what do you mean buddy! Why?”

ToM W. : Well Joe, I don’t know if you know but you are a nigga, we ran the DNA test! I ran it myself twice. Sorry my good man, but you are black” Hanging up the Phone

JOE W.: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Banking industries would crash over night. Millions of people’s credit would fall into ruin within weeks. Mass suicides would take place all over America. The world would end as we know it.

The good new is: Several Affirmative Action bills would pass both Houses of Congress.
Billions of dollars would be paid out in reparations.
And finally Bill Clinton could come out of the CLOSET.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

No Gnus is Good Gnus with Gary Gnu

Did anybody else watch a TV show called the Great Space Coaster.

Man my child hood was the bomb! I have to remember to post on that later.

I don’t have a lot of time today. I am feeling really expressive and artistic. I think I am going to stop by a poetry reading tonight. I think they do some slams on Wed. I wrote some stuff so I might have to get on stage.

I just finished watching my Gov. on the TV in front of Congress on some Hurricane Katrina shyte. She got handled badly. I just don’t get the purpose of those hearings. Do they want to stand in judgment of the response, or fix the damn problems? They need to call my azz and I will set that shyte straight.

They were so condescending to her, I got upset, and after all she is my governor. These MFs from other parts of the Country staring down at her like she is so beneath them. Shyte she might be incompetent but so are all politicians. Beside incompetence is what politics are about.

Gov Blanco is better than me cause I would have razzle-dazzled that whole hearing.

Senator Jack Ass from the state of White America: “So you mean to tell me Governor Cunningham all the bus drivers evacuated.”

Gov. Closet Owner: “Yeah doc, it was a huge as Hurricane headed our way, so niggas was getting outta dodge.”

Senator Jack: “So why didn’t you evacuate all those people left behind.”

Gov Closet Owner: “Shyte, man I told everybody to leave. I was on the radio, on the TV, I told everybody leave now. I would have put it in the newspaper but you know niggas don’t read.
I told them it was going to be they azz if they stayed behind. Then I broke north. I got family and people so I was good. When I found out people stayed behind I was kinda like Florida on Good Times.”

Senator Jack: “What?!?!”

Gov. C.: “Damn Damn Damn. Never mind, I called my boys and even two wayed the President.”

Senator Jack: “But what did you do to rescue the people.”

Gov. C.: “You going to let me talk, cause if you not going to let me talk, I just aint going say nothing at all.”

Senator Jack: “ Sir, we are trying to get to the bottom of this!”

Gov. C: “The bottom, okay…Hurricane Katrina came and fucked up my city. Niggas was everywhere. Hanging out of windows, jacking cars, lootin Wal-Mart. Because they were black we couldn’t get the Feds to come and rescue shyte. Ya boy George was sitting with his thumb up his azz, as usual, trying to figure out a way to turn a dollar on this whole issue.
Look my state is poor, to begin with. We didn’t have the resources to save our selves. We asked for help and it was like a fart in the wind, every body heard it but nobody was affected.”

Senator Jack: “So you couldn’t save your own citizens.”

GOV. Closet Owner: Awe too hell with this!!!!….(Grabbing the table and flipping it on its side as he darts for the main door, papers fly everywhere. The senators react with shcok and horror. From the hallway you hear Gov Closet Owner defiantly yell.)


IM OUT BITCHES!!!!!!!

And that is called the razzle-dazzle!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

A point for Tuesday!


I don’t believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. We are from the same planet, and we enjoy a symbiotic relationship. A give and take, a quid pro quo, a you scratch my back and I scratch yours.

I have spent the majority of my life dealing with the fairer opposite sex. I have come with up with 5 tenants. The first is:

Women are prettier.

All this may ruffle a few feathers but listen I have concrete opinion to back all of this up.

WOMEN ARE PRETTIER
This is a no brainier. God saw fit to make women more physically appealing. I am not going to go into the whole evolutionary discussion as to why this is so just realize it is so! Don’t say it depends on the side of the fence you are looking on, because that isn’t the truth. Women recognize beauty in women just as fast as men do. I think some of this may have to do with our male dominated society but most is just the natural way of things.

In all societies in the world women adhere to more beautification rituals than men. Most adornment for men suggests rites of passage, or some other bravado. Women all over the world, wear makeup, rings of all sorts, piercing, clothing, and hairstyles for simple beatification. The only society that doesn’t fit this mold is the Muslims, but that is a whole other story. And a couple of cultures in Africa that require men adorn themselves to certain degrees, but for the purposes of this argument we will leave both groups out.

Still don’t believe me.

Okay there are a few things that people naturally find appealing babies, pretty women, nice full breast, and AZZ! Maybe those last two were for me but I stand by the first two.

Babies are designed to look cute. Large eyes and smooth skin with large heads, on adults that would be down right scary, but not on babies. Even with bald spots and toothless grins babies as a whole capture the hearts of parents and germy toxic death spreaders alike. It’s hard to just straight up find an ugly baby. The big man did this purposely so babies wouldn’t end up in the dryer. (Sorry, I had to mention Lakeisha Adams and her god-forsaken actions but that aint the norm).

I believe the original intelligent designer put the same spin on women. Still don’t believe me. You still want to say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, still want to believe that beauty is a figment of your sexual orientation?

You ever notice that we recognize a standard of beauty that is uniform in women. We know without a doubt which women are pretty and which aren’t. No matter the age, the race, the size, we all know pretty in women when we see it.

Now men are attractive to women in different ways for different things. There is no standard for beauty. Women like men for different reasons.


Okay, you want examples. I don’t really know how to do the photo thing but it took me all morning and I pulled together something with YAHOO.

Click on this link and cross your fingers!



Now after you look at both groups, and without looking at your neighbors paper tell me which one is in the pretty group, and which one is in the ugly group. Just looking at appearance alone. Not fame, body, personality, just appearance.
Tell me who is attractive among the men and women and who is unattractive among the men and the women.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Drunk by 1:00

Christmas lunch!

Going to eat drink and be merry!

Be back tomorrow!

I dont have a drinking problem. I have learned that drug addictions are very big in my profession. I consider alcohol to be the most prevalent destructive drug in our society. Maybe most destructive because caffine is the most prevalent.

But I digress. I am bout to go get drunk!

Truth is!