Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Monday, January 09, 2006

At Home

The boss is gone for two weeks.

My wife asked me if I was going to work today. I told her maybe for a little while. (A little white lie) Then she asked if I wanted to watch the baby?

Silence fell in the dimly lit morning air. The tension was thick, I was aware that my entire week of freedom depended on my answer to this politely posed problem. I wiped the remaining Cat Dukey from my eyes and retained my stoic pose and responded, ”COOL”

Then in a complete 360 my wife says, “No I better take him, I don’t trust you.”

I should be pissed or mad by that statement, but alas it is the truth. I am a hell of a dad…with children that can speak, walk, and follow orders. Man my skin crawls with the thought of little man balling and me not knowing what the hell is wrong, or what to do. Nah, I will save the parenting until little man is much older.

In the mean while, the boy is going to play! Anybody at home for the next two weeks, I will drop buy and we can get drunk in the middle of the day. All I will do is sit back and kick it today.

Okay maybe I am not going to play all day; I have made a “To Do List”.

1.Rake up the leaves… I live in South Louisiana, so yes the leaves are really just falling off the trees.
2.Call Mr. Smith…He is looking for lawyers; I might be a good fit at his firm.
3.Call Mr. Blanche…see above
4. Find some of these new damn stamps…..I think that they should honor the old stamps until brothers run out. I can’t find 2 cent stamps anywhere, and I am to ship to over post my mail.
5.Mail some bills
6.Balance Checking, Savings, and side account that is still a secret…Shhh
7.Cook Chicken Soup…I never told you guys that I can cook, I am a real renaissance man feel me!
8.Buy Groceries…See above
9.E-mail the boss…keeps her busy…I e-mail her and I establish the tone of the 2 week trip.
10.Pay Cell Phone Bill
11.Call on settlement in a case in the 18th JDC…My little side hustle.
12.Call Troy about settlement on case for Ms. J….My little side hustle prt 2
13.Send in Baby Girls Private School Application…No time to explain!
14.Return light bulbs and get new ones that fit…I got the regular base instead of the candelabra base.
I hate Wal-Mart…trailer trash, condescending, sever periodontal dieses having, 6th grade education, employees treat me like I stole some damn $1.67 light bulbs.
15.Buy Batteries…???
16.Scrubber for kitchen sink
17.Get Hole in tire plugged
18.Practice my Guitar… I am teaching myself to play. See I told yall I was a renaissance man.

With this list I hardly think I will have time to relax. Besides sense I am writing this blog yall know I am swept up into blogverse and I aint going to do half this shyte.



To that end if anyone wants to share a tantalizing, tid bit, of a titty getting bit please feel free to share...


  • At 11:08 AM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    I'm mad you got a personalized closet owner email. I think you can add that to your list as your 3rd side hustle. Anyway, why didn't you just tell her that you wanted to enjoy your time off work, b/c you know good and damn well you weren't gonna watch the baby. And she's crazy for asking.

  • At 11:16 AM, Blogger Cynthia said…

    You definitely dodged a bullet on the baby issue. Very smart move...

  • At 11:19 AM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    Yeah...the trick was to not watch the baby without making her mad.

    Nah... the blog dont make me anymoney.

  • At 11:26 AM, Blogger Lāā said…

    You have a lot to do. I wanna know how much you get done after finding someone at home and getting drunk in the middle of the day!

    Rake up leaves, hmmmph, what about snow? I wish I lived somewhere that didn't snow.

  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger P said…


    You said the right thing. She wasn't going to leave lil man with you from the jump. She wanted to hear the right answer, which was, er, SURE, I'll watch him.

    WOMEN! We switch on and off like a faucet, but you said the right thing to turn her on.

  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger That Girl Tam said…

    I'm witgh P on this one...that was a trick...but you did well and passed the test with flying colors...because BEST BALEEVE that if you had said flat out wouldn't have heard the end of are funny.

  • At 12:10 PM, Blogger African girl, American world said…

    ooohhhh she asked?! she's a good one and the fact that she flat out told you she didn't trust you - priceless.

    Some of you are clueless when it comes to babies. My husband was terrifies and now that they are 4 and 6 they have a ball!

    so you're a lawyer? find something new about you all the time.

    your to do list is too long! do nothing all day tomorrow, watch Jerry and Maury :)

    and I'm impressed that secret account is still a secret - you obviously didn't marry a snoop!

  • At 12:24 PM, Blogger Dee said…

    o.k you can do ALL the things on your list and still get your drank on!!!!!! I'm avail. for pointers!!!!!

    I'm sure wifey didn't mean anything by what she said..........

    The baby need to continue to go to daycare so that he gets "settled" into his routine. You don't want to confuse him.........just my 2 cents!!!!

  • At 12:27 PM, Blogger courtneyelizabeth said…

    LMAO...i HATE Walmart many damn lines on payday...folks dont understand what you ask me a headache just thinking about

  • At 2:30 PM, Blogger Miss T said…

    2 weeks?! You better watch that baby. . don't you want to bond too? Or are you waiting for the fun part when he's running around?

  • At 6:14 PM, Blogger muffin said…

    this post would of been soooo much more entertaining if you would of waited to post after your mid-day drunkeness!


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