Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Boyz to Men...How to tell the difference.

In my travels and times, and most recently my travels on the Internet, I have been a strong supporter of men’s rights.
To properly put it, I defended the sanctity of man-hood while womankind attacked it on all fronts. The media fueled myths and stereotypes that women and the main stream bought as a whole. So me, being the champion of lost causes, would always stand up for men whenever and wherever they were lambasted.

I didn’t nor do I now suggest that all men are good. I don’t know all men so I cant speak for them all. What I can say is that all MEN are different and if he is truly a MAN he will have outstanding character traits that are embedded in most men.

So why do I still see such prevalent accusations of wrong doings and outright lunacy. The culprit usually being some guy who is reported to be a man.

Men…the men that I grew up with, the men that I knew were responsible, upright, and strong. Who the hell were these nutz that women often refer to as men?

Closer inspection and hindsight focused the wide pandemic into a narrow spectrum, suitable for causal analysis. I discovered what the problem is. MEN are getting blamed for what our woeful younger counterparts on the chronological time scale are doing. I imagine that once its been said it seems so apparent. And the really clever part is that all MEN were once boys, so it becomes even stickier to differentiate. But don’t feel bad if you messed up in the past. People have made this time and time again in the past, mistaking boys for MEN, the problem is that it is happening on a much larger scale than ever before.

Blame not yourself. After I discovered the real problem, boys pretending to be men or women not recognizing boys, I turned to my old categorizer of all information (aka the Internet) to see if something was available to help sort the two. To my dismay not a single book, website, or blog was devoted to this topic. I could not find a University funded study, or privately financed research that shined even a glint of understanding in the direction of this menacing problem.

So to that end I have come up with a list to aid all women. This is list is designed to help you determine if you have a man or not. This list is also helpful for men who may be in doubt and need to tighten up there game.

*This list is not foolproof, and so use at your own risk*

You know he is a man if:

1. He gave his momma back her house.

2. He has a child that he publicly claims as his
a. He pays support
b. Or he is the Primary care giver.

3. He has more than two pair of shoes…(not tennis but shoes)

4. He listens when you talk
a. Or he acts like he listens when you talk
b. Or he at least looks in your direction when your mouth is moving and
sounds are coming out.

5. He calls his friends, “friends” and not “His boys”

6. All his friends have real names and real jobs
a. Pookie and Ray Ray should be Paul and Raymond by now.
b. Hosting First Fridays is not a real job

7. He understands that to you can be a hustler and have a real job too.

8. He can hug you without grabbing your ass.
a. He must still want to grab your ass!

9. He brings you around his friends
a. He must still show you affection, and not treat you like one of the gang.
10. He does not turn his cell phone off or on mute
a. Not at night, not at all…

11. He slowly makes love to you.
a. With the TV off, music up, and lights low.

12. He has told you the following at least once or twice without raising his
a. “I am not going to say this again”
b. “Don’t worry, I will handle it”
c. “I am not interested in what your friends, mother, or my boys think”

13. He “Handled it”, and you didn’t have to worry.

14. He holds you at night without trying to have sex.
a. He must still want to have sex!

15. You can go out with your friends and he wont call more than twice.
a. One call every 3 hrs…but don’t come dragging your ass in at 3am.

16. He can cook and clean for himself but he does it for you and your

17. He reads the Dailey Newspaper
a. Not just the sports section.

18. He has hobbies outside of watching TV and drinking.
a. Nothing wrong with drinking.

19. He reads or has read books
a. It takes commitment to read a book.

20. He has at least two suits.
a. And they both fit.

21. He looks you in the eyes.

22. Your life is better with him.

23. He never asks you to perform oral sex.

24. He never stops until you are finished.

25. He loves you and you know it!

Please add more if you like. The best examples of manhood will be highlighted in a future blog.

A brother need not have the entire list.

I have worked out a scale, please judge accordingly.

25-20 Real Man!
19-15 Got some Man in him!
14-10 He thinks like a player or he is whipped!
09-05 Mommas Boy!
04-00 He pees sitting down!


  • At 10:18 AM, Blogger Lāā said…

    Good list.

    I wish I would have had it about 16 years ago.

  • At 10:23 AM, Blogger African girl, American world said…

    LOL @ he pees sitting down!

    You're a mess!

    GREAT list - what r u?

    Hubby did pretty well except #15

  • At 10:43 AM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    Me, 25 out of 25...afer all it is my list.

    Did have some issues with 8, and 14...but i got it all worked out now.

  • At 11:04 AM, Blogger African girl, American world said…

    ha ha ha!

    something about an ass that does it to y'all!

  • At 11:06 AM, Blogger Butter Pecan said…

    Nice post. LOL. I guess my man ranked 19. I had to laugh at #6 those are some friends he will just never get rid of.

  • At 11:58 AM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    22. Your life is better with him.

    That was the meat of the post right there. Good job Closet Owner. You needed a recovery from those scandalous posts you been posting this week. Maybe you should just designate Friday as Freaky Fridays...

  • At 12:00 PM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    I was really expecting yall to add more...still aint heard from some of you out there.

    26. He takes care of you even when he cant.
    *that dont just mean paying your bills*

  • At 12:41 PM, Blogger Lāā said…

    27. He helps you to put money away for your future, regardless of if he will be in it or not.

  • At 12:52 PM, Blogger Dee said…

    Great list!!!!!

    #22 AMEN "your life is better with him"!!!!!

    That is simple!!!!!! Makes soooo much fucking sense!!!!!

    #23 "doesn't ask for oral sex!!!!"
    my ex husband ALWAYS.ASKED.FOR.HOT.MOUTH!!! I call it "hot mouth" cause HEAD sounds sooooo nasty to me.....
    I hated to do it!!!! In fact in the 123,236,994,000 years we were married he can probably count on 2 hands how many times I did it!!!! LOL With my next man.....he got it ALL the time cause he never ever ever ever asked and that made me WANT 2 give him "hot mouth"

    #25 "he loves you and you know it"
    That's real shit!!!

    Now what would I like to add????

    He puts his wifes needs 1st........

  • At 12:57 PM, Blogger Cool AC said…

    Thank you for this post Closet Owner. I think I am going to print it out and keep a copy in my purse. :)

    Unfortunately I haven't met any men that I can think I can't add to the list. My dad even scores low on this list and he is old. So you are right the age doesn't matter.

  • At 1:45 PM, Blogger African girl, American world said…

    Laalaa I love it!

    And Dee I'm with you - asking for hot mouth ruins the mood, like asking for a kiss - just do it!

    I'm getting to it and then you mess up and ask!!!

    #26 - he doesn't try to mold you into who he wants you to be

  • At 2:00 PM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    I just want to add:
    Please ladies print this out, make the next or current nigga answer yes no or maybe to all the questions.

    If a nigga pass this test and still seriously fuck up then its all on you...

    Nah just kidding.

  • At 2:05 PM, Blogger That Girl Tam said…

    YAY!!! I've got a REAL MAN!!! Mack scored 28! He missed #20 - he doesn't own a suit...I don't think he ever has...he was more the sports coat and slacks type. and #23 he doesn't think twice to ask me for (as Dee calls it) HOT MOUTH!

  • At 2:37 PM, Blogger candyfortheteacher said…

    How about he takes care of things when you are sick.

    Oh and you have to add.
    He can find his own socks.

    You are soo right, men and boys. A male can be 50 and still act like a boy. My husband scored 26, not bad. LOL

  • At 4:35 PM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    Okay finding socks, pants, remote controls are not a part of being a MAN...that is why we get married.

  • At 8:33 PM, Blogger candyfortheteacher said…

    Oh you just lost the extra 10 points I was going to send your way. HA HA You are a mess. I am glad you have straightened up your life. You have become a great man.
    I can tell by the way you love and respect your wife and children.

  • At 11:10 AM, Blogger Shelia said…

    I love your list...this is a keeper.

  • At 10:15 AM, Blogger Juicy said…

    You are amazing because you were man enough to put it out there. In a way we arlready know in heart what make a man but we rarely run into real men and when I do they are already married or old as hell and have played so many by then!

    I am waiting for my man! But until then I'll keep working on me!

    The only thing that I think that I would add to the list would be for my man to accept me for me. The love handles and all. And man is someone that I could learn from and grow with!

  • At 12:56 PM, Blogger Msnhim said…

    This is a great list..... Im tempted to print it and post it all over NYC.

  • At 1:35 PM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    Cool post it. Share it with the world. I think it needs to be out there.

    Give me a little by-line and that will be cool.

    Just a little I got this from

  • At 8:50 PM, Blogger Gunner Kaufman said…

    you done gone and blew the fuck up bro' ham...

  • At 12:26 PM, Blogger Honest said…

    I really like this list.

  • At 12:26 PM, Blogger Honest said…

    I really like this list.

  • At 12:26 PM, Blogger Honest said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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