Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Your Honor....

You want something boring!

I got it in spades…double spades…triple spades!

You can take your pick from the boring azz nature of my job. I can’t discuss cases that are ongoing. But you wouldn’t want to hear about them anyway.

I am being sabotaged. In fact I think I think my wife is the saboteur. I offer to the Blog Panel the following list of facts on which to properly judge my charge of sabotage.

Exhibit 1
At approximately 5:30pm Monday, my wife arrived home. I was outfitted with my bike riding gear. Mp3 player in hand, I head for the door.

Wife:Oh I need to go to the store before you leave.

Closet Owner: Well, its 5:30. It gets dark in 30mins I kinda wanted to get started.

Wife: Oh well, I just needed to pick up a prescription for me and the Baby from Walgreens.

CO: Okay, did you already call it in, did the Dr. Call it in for you.

Wife: No I was just going to drop off the script and wait for them to fill it.

SideNote:
Every since the Hurricane pharmacies all across south La have adapted a strategy of delaying a prescription as long as humanly possible, continually suggesting that you pick it up the next day or come back in a couple of hours. The poor fools who choose to wait are subjected to constant looks of scorn from the pill provider (everybody behind that counter aint pharmacists) as well as being forced to wait so long that the disease has run its course
.


CO: Shyte that will take hours, can’t you do it later.

WIFE: Well I guess this stuff for the baby can wait.

That move is called the trump card. Usually reserved for big issues but sometimes used a used in a low priority case.

CO: Oh well, I guess I will ride harder to tomorrow.

Exhibit 2
Later that evening I was subjected to a barrage of temptations of the culinary kind.

Wife: Are we out of butter? I am thinking about making some oatmeal raisin cookies. I need butter not margarine.

CO: I don’t know, but why are you making that. I shouldn’t be eating that, especially since I didn’t ride today!

Wife: Who said I was making them for you. Besides if you don’t want them don’t eat them.

CO: It aint that simple, but never mind.

SideNote:
Oatmeal Raisin Cookies are my favorite!

Exhibit 3

Wife: I think we ate that last bit of homemade ice-cream the last week, so I picked of a ½ gallon of Blue Bell Vanilla.

CO: What?….Blue Bell….serenity NOW!!!!!

SideNote:
Ice Cream is my favorite desert, bar none, but I like them even better with oatmeal raisin cookies, and a glass of chocolate milk.

You decide. I trust your judgment. I trust your reasoning skills. I would also like to add that there have been a sudden proliferation of Hershey’s Kisses, and Reese’s’ Peanut Butter Cups.

I know, include her in my exercise plan! Yeah right, I have attempted to get my wife to exercise with me on several occasions. She aint having it…and I am cool with that…I mean don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that she needs to loose some weight or anything. I mean how insensitive would I be to suggest that a woman who had a baby 4 months ago may need to shed a few extra pounds. I may be a man, but I aint no fool!

I am determined to drop this little gut that was forming around my middle. I am working on squaring these shoulders back up after hours of computer and court have rounded them down.

I even have a little goal in mind for yours truly. Adventure Racing! Yeah I know it is 100% white boy type stuff, but it is a challenge that looks like it will be fun. So I am in training.

13 Comments:

  • At 2:01 PM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    Well, make some more homemade icecream and drop it off at my house.. That way you definitely will not eat it... HA!

     
  • At 2:59 PM, Blogger African girl, American world said…

    crazy whiteboy stuff - okay!!! do it and make us proud.

    What's next? Skydiving? LOL

    And yes Wifey is on to you.....didn't you know? Couples MUST gain weight together and be puggie together - it is a rule

    ha ha ha!

     
  • At 4:49 PM, Blogger muffin said…

    you just can't win, can you? lol

     
  • At 5:24 PM, Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said…

    I’m sorry but I can’t help but LOL at you being sabotaged! Damn its hard when you have all of those temptations around you.

     
  • At 6:49 PM, Blogger sj-the-infamous said…

    Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla is DEATH to a diet, trust! LMAO

     
  • At 7:07 PM, Blogger Honest said…

    Let her know you need her help with your diet and exercise plan and that making your favorites isn't helping but that you don't think she shouldn't buy that stuff just not advertise it to you.

    Just my 2 cents.

     
  • At 7:07 PM, Blogger Honest said…

    Let her know you need her help with your diet and exercise plan and that making your favorites isn't helping but that you don't think she shouldn't buy that stuff just not advertise it to you.

    Just my 2 cents.

     
  • At 7:07 PM, Blogger Honest said…

    Let her know you need her help with your diet and exercise plan and that making your favorites isn't helping but that you don't think she shouldn't buy that stuff just not advertise it to you.

    Just my 2 cents.

     
  • At 7:07 PM, Blogger Honest said…

    Let her know you need her help with your diet and exercise plan and that making your favorites isn't helping but that you don't think she shouldn't buy that stuff just not advertise it to you.

    Just my 2 cents.

     
  • At 6:59 AM, Blogger Me said…

    Hey I have a question - Are these stories about cheating you did before you were married - or now ?

     
  • At 7:42 AM, Blogger Closet Owner said…

    @Serenity
    Next time I might hook you up…might!

    @Mwabi
    Yeah, right except I will look like a little fat guy, that aint cool.

    @Muffin
    I suffer, but I persevere.

    @Honest
    I cant mention diet around my wife. Whenever you mention diet around your woman they take it as an accusation that they are getting fat.

    @Me
    All before…some long before…some just before…but all before.

     
  • At 8:13 AM, Blogger Msnhim said…

    I know what you mean... My husbad does this to me everytime I say the word DIET..... He says he doesn't mean to make it harder for me but he knows bringing home my favorite snacks DOES NOT HELP!!!


    You be the Judge

     
  • At 9:20 AM, Blogger nikki said…

    dude, you just gonna have to move out. LOL

     

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