Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

My Life Part III

I met my ex-wife. She walked in my job with a smile and a pair of shorts. Her, cuteness was only matched by her sex appeal. She spoke with such attention, and focus I was destined to be locked in.

I was in the process of getting my own apartment with the fellas at the time. So she fit right in. Shyte was bliss. There was only one little problem that wouldn’t go away. And true to the letter Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned.

My 29 year old dalliance was somewhat flustered at the recent turn of events. She remarked often about the decrease in QT. As true as that statement was, I offered no apologies or solace and continued doing me. I was a brash young dude with my mojo on swole, handling any chick that popped up on the radar screen, so I knew no, did no, wrong. And I was dead wrong.

On one visit to Ms. 29, I was tricked into a discussion about the future. She started with the casual open ended question, ”So what is this we doing?”
Oblivous I repliy, “We kicking it, right…Straight Chillin, you my girl and we good to go…Right?”

There forth issued the litany of seemingly prepared responses.

Ms. 29:
“I am not getting any younger!”
“I thought we had a future!”
“I am to old to just kick it!”
“I have just wasted my time with you and this relationship!”

Her preparation for this conversation was in stark contrast to my unprepardeness. My whats?…I-don’t-knows…You tripping…ChillOut… did not serve to better the situation, or slow her boiling roll. The next torrent of questioning became more and accusatory and more demanding, and more demented.

Ms. 29
“What do you want that I’m not given you?”
“You don’t care about me!”
“Who else are you seeing?!”
“I thought we were planning our future!?”
“Who else are you seeing!?
“Why are you doing this to us?
“Why do you hate me?”
“I was planning our future…OUR MARRIAGE!”

SAY WHAT… this bitch must be crazy, how the hell, why the hell, who the hell….never mind that just hell-to-the-no! I was not feeling her like that. Didn’t she know I was “Still a Young Man” (insert horn section blowing…know your musical history) Shyte was getting to deep for ole mister non-confrontational here, so I knew of only one thing…”Time to shake the spot”…So I bounced.

I decided it would be best if I steered clear of Ms. 29 for a while. Her phone calls and pages went unanswered. As her calls subsided I assumed that shyte was getting better, but inactivity from any female is a sign of some master plan being hatched. I didn’t have my level of women smarts that I have now so what happened next totally floored me.

It appears that women on the wig-out have some pretty standard operating procedures. First she started calling my friends.

Homeboys1: Damn man whats up with ya girl calling asking where you at! Nigga, what you running from the chick.

Homeboy2: Dang bruh, you scared of the puzzy. Man up nigga!

Associate1: What she tripping about?

CO: Yeah dog, she crazy…I am just trying to let this shyte blow over. She tripping cause I aint really trying to go there with her…like that.

Then she started calling family.
Mom: Closet what is up with this girl calling this house. Is everything okay?
Co: What! Are you serious? I can’t believe it! Sorry Mom…don’t worry I will handle it.

Then next she pulled out the last resort!
Caught me in the club and pretended everything was cool, even convinced me, in my buzz, to follow her back to her place. I resisted slightly but in need of a good lay, I gave in and swallowed her bait.

After a serious thrashing (ie make up sex) I attempted to gather my things and bounce.
I heard her cries, and tears as I turned to leave the room. Between the sobs and snot she spoke, “I cant believe you are leaving, like this, right now. It really is over!”

I hesitated and foolishly replied, “Nah, we always going to be cool, you my girl…right?”

Shyte didn’t work, never has, but I peddled that smack at her anyway. She jumped on me with both feet, “I didn’t want to tell you like this, but seeing as how we are over, I guess it is better for you to know now better than later.”

My heart stopped, I stopped, the world froze. Aids had just jumped big at this time and niggas was the last to know about. I was one of the last of the last, so I often played unprotected. I just knew the words coming next would be some form of acronym for some shyte that would kill me.

I wrote this shyte when I was on a creative tear…So I cant really incorporate responses into the next post…it would phuck my flow.

So to answer so of your comments.

Mwabi asked: What kind of balls did you think you had to be talking to your Pops like that? damn!

CO: Big ones. Ms. 29 had done a good job of inflating my ego.

Serenity Said: I'm dying laughing at you getting "them blows" by the old man.:)

Co: Shyte wasn’t funny, shyte hurt!

Tam Said: I think those were my stepdad's last words to was it, "Oh since you're leaving...I'll take my keys back - you won't be needing them."

CO: You know the funny part is my Mom never took my keys back. After all these years, I still have the same house keys I had since I was like an 11 year old latch key kid.

Serial Said: That was just like the animal kingdom.


Dee Asked: How about you??? Regrets????

CO: Nary a one! It made me a man, it grew me up quick. The best lessons I ever learned came from being on my own at a young age.

Missy Remarked: Its called Survival and other people can't relate unless they been through it themselves.

CO: True…But on the real many people couldn’t go that route. IF being good, and finishing school is your thang, you may not need to get put out. But many of us make choices that require us to learn the hard way. Some of us it is just thrust upon, those are the people I feel badly for.

Mwabi inquired: I hope you called your Mama and didn't leave and not call out of spite!!

CO: Hell yeah I called my Mom. Shyte, she the only nigga that will love me from sperm to worm.


  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger P said…

    If I decide to come back after I have literally screamed from laughter at this post and put a real comment, I will, but for now you need to know that you have missed your calling, counsellor.

    This sheeat is hilarious.

  • At 12:10 PM, Blogger alli-babe said…

    first time here...will be back...i like you and i link you!

  • At 4:08 PM, Blogger African girl, American world said…

    damn Closet, how you gon end right there?! What she tell you??!

    thanks for answering my questions.

    I'll be back and I love you for loving Moms and not leaving her hanging like that. You know some fools do that to spite their daddy.

    ok now I have a visual of your Daddy as Uncle Phil since he was/is a judge and all :)

  • At 6:08 PM, Blogger Serenity23 said…

    Hey, how are you going to cut the post off in the midst of it? The people want more.

  • At 6:19 PM, Blogger Dee said…

    Dayum why would you leave us hanging?????

    Can't belive she would call your boys!!!! I never really understood why women do that..........

  • At 8:04 PM, Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said… are so damn funny!

    Have a good weekend!

  • At 9:58 PM, Blogger That Girl Tam said…

    OK, I'mma sock you for calling my muscial history into question with the horn section remark!

    "You're still a young maaaaaaaan, BAAAAAAAABY, OooOooooo don't waste your time..." I SWEAR that is one of my favorite oldies...

  • At 9:58 AM, Blogger NegroPino™ said…

    IM mad!!!!Left me in suspense..........:( But Ill be back

  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger Honest said…

    Dude that was not cool, your audience wants to know WHAT HAPPENED. lol!


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