Skeletons in my closet

The silent running dialogue that I often have with myself.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Black Cinema Time

I happened to be doing a little blog traveling yesterday and I happened to hit on a couple of blogs that seemed to reading my mind. I have to give props to both
That Girl, and My Sista who is Supa they both turned a dime on this topic. I also read it on a few other blogs sorry if I didn’t give you your props. I had a little sideways discussion a while back.

Yall know I was up late the past couple of nights doing my “Black Cinema Thing”. I was trying not to get interested in some crazy Spike Lee type joint, “She Hate Me”. I honestly drifted back and forth through various stages of sleep during the first hour or so of this movie, but eventually the plot thickened.
SideNote:
There are only two ways to keep a brother up late at night.
Sex.
The promise of sex.
Even in movie from this holds true. But ol spike had a little something up his sleeve… Lesbian SEX!!!! Jackpot….ding ding ding…..

It wasn’t just the sex thing that was interesting; it was a comment that Spike was making. A reality check if you will.

The main character is a brother (a soon to be up and coming actor) who is big time, smart, handsome, and culturally refined. He begins to loose all his status and wealth for trying to do the honest and right thing. As his financial situation worsens he is propositioned by his ex-girlfriend to provide a much needed service. The service is Baby Making.

See homeboy found his ex-girlfriend in bed with another woman some years back. He was enraged and heartbroken at the same time promising never to forgive her. She appears back in his life for the second time as a full blown lesbian, asking that he provide her with sperm for her impregnation. This aint the clinical doctor approved baby-making procedure. This request is a straight up fuck me and give me your seed type of arraignment.

Ex-Girlfriend has new girlfriend who aint to hype about home boy impregnating her girl “The Old Fashioned Way”. By the way the lesbians have decided to become pregnant together.

Ya boy is getting paid $10,000 to drop his seed. He is not bound to care for any of the kids, and all sells are final. His ex-girlfriend puts his name and job title out to the Lesbian underworld.

SideNote:
This underworld really does exist, I have been there, and seen things… It is true counter culture society.

They had real name stars and excellent acting in this movie. Kerry Wahsington is HOT!!! Anthony Mackie is the next black star.

Anthony Mackie,
Kerry Washington
Ellen Barkin
Monica Bellucci
Jim Brown
Ossie Davis
Jamel Debbouze
Brian Dennehy
Woody Harrelson
Ling Bai
Lonette McKee
Paula Jai Parker
Q-Tip
Dania Ramirez
John Turturro


Paula Jai Parker titties are a mess. She always flow them niggas everywhere and this was my first shot at them full frontal and dagone…Tighten the up, shyte!!!
It was really funny watching these lesbians either experience dick for the first time, or relish the dick again after a long hiatus.

SideNote:
I really think that all women could be lesbians or bi. Strictly dicklies included. Women are so much more sexual, so much more complex. Understanding that sex is about so much more than just genitalia contacting, women are able to reach a deeper level of trust and expression. Besides women are so much sexier, prettier, and better smelling than their male counterparts.

All of the obvious plot twist and complications arise. The story wraps up each individual plot lines with some hockey kinda nonsense, but what I pulled from the story was a simple and a beautiful depiction of the conflicts presented to men and women in our complex and evolving society.


No matter what our sexual persuasions, perversions, or proclivities, some things like baby-making have to be about a woman and a man.

And also no matter what the understanding is, a man cant spread his seed and not consciously neglect, deny, or ignore his children. He has a biological, moral, and lastly society obligation to be a farther to his child.
At least that is what I got out of the whole thing.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

HELP Mommy addition!

My poor wife went back to work today, and for some reason I feel like I have let her down.

She has been off since the first week of October. The baby was born on October 10th and the two of them have been attached at the (nipple LOL) hip since that day. I have enjoyed watching them grow and form their bond. She saw his first smile and giggle. She gave him his first sustenance. She has clothed, fed, and cleaned him for the past 3 months with care and adoration. He is my son, my child, but he is her baby.

Unfortunately life continues on. New babies are only excuses when they are new, so life has to go on. Bills, debts, JOBs, start to rear their ugly heads.

What other choice do I have? I want her to stay at home and be happy, but I want to eat too. SO here comes mister bad guy with the day of reckoning. She is to return to work on 01/05/06.

I could only hold her as she cried. I didn’t understand, how could I, my role, as parent doesn’t really start until little man misbehaves, or until he can play with some of the toys I have for him. Besides my bond with him his not nearly as tight as he the bond he has with his mother. I went to work soon after my man was born. I am well adjusted to seeing him only during my no working periods.

If she stays unhappy, brother-into-the-night will have to fix this shyte quick. Shyte rolls down hill!

What I need are words of encouragement. Maybe a card, maybe flowers.
Any ideas?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

HELP!!!!

I open this morning’s message with a simple cry for help.

I am aware that several females read this blog. In the past they have offered advice and opinions (some unsolicited).

I am calling on the powers of the wise and venerated female:
Oh Solver of problems,
Oh Giver of life sustenance,
Oh Maker of new people,
Oh Source of Joy,
Oh Creator of dissatisfaction,
and Great Spender of money!

Please send down to me your wisdom and knowledge before all is lost!

I am having a problem with baby girl!

Maybe a little background will help…click here for background.

So I am the PCG for my daughter. Now that I am married I guess PCG is no longer correct. But saying she lives with me seems to leave so much out of the story. How about I am her Daddy. Okay that sums it up right? Well anyway.

The problem is the baby is growing up.

My daughter is 11 about to be 28. Her styles are a changing. I cant keep up. Demi-Bras, shirts exposing the belly, rings, and grown women shoes seem to be the latest tools amassed in an effort to kill her Daddy.

Am I old fashioned?
If by that you mean do I expect my daughter to respect herself and dress like it… well yes! Yes I do butt heads with the source of my constant frustration? (see ex-wife) SO my ex…supplies my daughter with her tools for my destruction. My daughter has my ex-wife’s taste. A style that lies somewhere between hoochie and she-know-better-than-to-wear-that! It all stems from a body image problem that my ex-wife didn’t get until we had long departed company.

Normally my daughter doesn’t dare to bring those close to my house. She understands that her daddy treasures her youth and innocence and wants it that way until she is either a 42yrs old CEO of a fortune 500, or I am dead. Preferable she will wait until I am dead.

But lately I have had to buy clothes of a certain style. Certain colors. Certain stores. Little girl is developing her style…or so I thought. Her mother had laid the seeds of hoochie sometime back when I wasn’t looking. Now the damn hoochie weeds are growing everywhere.

My only defense (because Dad is style challenged) is the new wife. The new wife is more than adequate to the task, but every weekend visit to the ex’s house we are set back two months.

My real problem is I am scared of boys. I was such a menace, such a sneaky devil, such a hoe, and I know I was a much better person than all these little niglets running around today.

Two weeks ago I came home from work to a nice a quiet house. My wife was next door at the inlaws…
SideNote: I never did finish telling yall what happened after the hurricane. I will give you details later but the short of it is my in-laws moved in next door.

My daughter was quiet. Too quiet. I opened the door to her room. Her little Glamour girl lamp is on and she is lying on her bed with a slow Mariah Carey song gently accenting her room. She pressed the Glamour Girl Phone I bought for her last Christmas to her chest and questioned my presence.
“What Dad?”

Nothing baby, I was just checking on you.” I closed the door and headed to my room to undress (aka throw my clothes on the floor).

No sooner than I released the trying grip of my tie when the images that just occurred flashed back in an eerie Usual Suspects, Memento, Sixth Sense kinda way.

Music, bed, phone, the quick dispatch of her father…OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I grabbed the phone in my room and listened with restricted breath. The sound nearly crushed me, IT WAS A NIGLET!

In my gruffest meanest voice I yelled, “GET OFF THIS DAMN PHONE”

I ran in her room as she still was busy trying to save face. I snatched the phone from her hand hand explained to the Niglet that my daughter did not receive calls from little niglets and don’t call my house again.

Of course I didn’t handle the right way but to hell with all that. And I was guilty, in my daughter’s eyes, of ruining her life, and being dumb, and old fashioned. But I was loosing my daughter. To hell with that!

I calmed down and explained to my daughter that we hadn’t talked about this enough, but “UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WAS A NIGLET TO CALL THIS HOUSE!”

After a long conversation she understood and agreed to limit calls to her girlfriends only.

Two days later, as all suspicious, untrusting, overbearing (also know as good) parent would do, I picked up the cordless phone and pressed the faithful redial button.

SideNote:
Yall know I had remembered that niglets number, and his name…I got his address and his parents place of employment. May sound overboard but…okay its overboard!
I am not trying to be the crazy parent that refuses to let my daughter live. I just think 11 is to young for any talking to boys. It aint happen under my watch.

My daughter had called this niglet again. I waited until I discussed it with my wife to determine a plan of action.

When I brought my daughter in and asked her if she called that little boy, she responded with a resolute NO! Then she went into five minutes of “Why I don’t believe her? and “Why I always think she is lying?”, and “Why don’t I trust her?”. Meanwhile my heart is sinking lower and lower, at 11 I can still count the number of times my daughter has lied to me. This is the first time she has lied to me for some boy!

I exposed her ruse, and explained to her how hurt I was, more so from the lie.
”All children make mistakes, disobey, do foolish things, but lying to your daddy. I am just disappointed baby, I just thought we were closer than that!”

I still hurts me a little to think about it. So tell me what yall think I should do? As of this writing all phone privileges are gone. I wanted to do more but it was Christmas, and aint nothing worse than a pout mouth child at Chirstmas.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I Resolve!

Hello, and welcome to the New Year!

I was contemplating my last year’s resolutions and attempting to form new ones when I realized that I never wrote down last year’s resolutions.

I probably subconsciously did this to prevent me from failing, or to give me ability to alter them as I progressed through the year. However, this year shall be different. I shall record them not only in the finality of the written word, but also in the electronic archives of the BlogVerse.

Not really sure if you are supposed to tell your resolutions. I think if you tell them they don’t come true… Or is that birthday wishes?!?!

Well in any event, let me get these few pieces of my insecurities out for all to review, analyze and respond. Why insecurities you ask? Well isn’t that what new years resolutions are, our attempts to dedicate a year to a thing or area in which we are not 100%. Aren’t resolutions clear glimpses of soulful mirrors that may just need a little polishing?

My resolutions for the Year 2006!

Love more.
I have to stop spending so much time angry about what I dislike and spend more time enjoying what I love. IT is so easy to get caught up in this instant demand society that you forget to enjoy shyte. Well I am going to enjoy it all more. Including my family. Including my wife ;-)

Work on Daddy detail!
I have got to pull this area of my life up to the number one most important! The new baby is WORK! My daughters getting older and I have to be everything she needs right now. Can’t explain other than that.

Take that chance.
I have 2 kids, a wife, a mortgage, a car note, student loans…etc… It is so hard to put those things in jeopardy. Can I do what I want to do in life without taking chances that might cause some hardships on my family or my way of life? If I don’t take chances will I effectively handle my responsibilities? Is it possible to be happy trying/failing/succeeding at what you love to do the most?

Get organized!
That does not mean neat! So slow ya roll. I just want to put things in a format to better get at 1-3.

Exercise
I have gained damn near 20lbs in the last 5 years. I can’t keep that up. I got the bike; I got the YMCA membership; I got the tapes at home. It is time to use the damn things. I will keep you guys posted on my progress. Maybe we could do the exercise blog to help everyone out.

Read books
I would have said read more, but I chose to say read books. Something about reading a book that brings in itself a feeling of accomplishment. A feeling you don’t get from magazines or newspapers. Besides books are written with more attention to detail and more thought than those two lesser mediums.

Play the guitar.
Yeah I have one…And I am trying to teach myself. I will let you know the progress.

Spend time with my brother.
(Please see previous post)

My ex-wife.
I don’t even know where to start. If you want to give me some input please do. Here is some background! Oh and some more!

Expand my blogging!
Nothing needs to be said in that area. I enjoy sharing. I enjoy expressing. Thanks for reading, commenting, and listening.

ON TO 2006!